It's about time Barbie got real.
Now, at long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging. These are a bit more realistic.
BIFOCALS BARBIE
Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames, too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
HOT FLASH BARBIE
Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.
FACIAL HAIR BARBIE
As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
FLABBY ARMS BARBIE
Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front: two muumuus with tummy-support panels are included.
BUNION BARBIE
Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.
NO-MORE-WRINKLES BARBIE
Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.
SOCCER MOM BARBIE
All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.
POST-MENOPAUSAL BARBIE
This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex.
DIVORCED BARBIE
Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car and Ken's boat.
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And yet another interesting law:
In Norfolk, Virginia, it is unlawful for chickens to lay eggs before 8 a.m. and after 4 p.m.
Justin Illusion...
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