CRIMES OF PASSION?

RopesEnd is proud to bring you this important Public Service Announcement. The following laws are REAL laws, still on the books, and appropo to, ummm...shall we say, love and romance.

ROMANTIC GIFTS

Idaho: the state where a box of candy cannot be given as a romantic gift unless it weighs more than 50 pounds.

FLIRTING

In Kalamazoo, Michigan it is against the law to serenade your girlfriend.

In Monroe, Utah daylight must be visible between partners on a dance floor; in Norfolk, Virginia girls are not allowed to attend public dances unless they are wearing a corset; in St. Croix, Wisconsin women are not allowed to wear anything red in public and in Cleveland, Ohio women are forbidden from wearing patent leather shoes, lest men should see the reflections of their underwear.

Firemen may not whistle or flirt at any woman passing a firehouse in Huntington, West Virginia.

In Abilene, Texas it is illegal to idle or loiter within the city limits for the purpose of flirting or mashing and in San Antonio it is illegal for either sex to flirt or respond to flirtation by using the eyes and/or hands.

Responding to flirtation by using the eyes will also get you into trouble within the city limits of Ottumwa, Iowa, where a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.

Flirting between men and women on the streets of Little Rock, Arkansas can result in a 30-day jail term; men in Norfolk, Virginia may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman's derriere and women who sit on men's laps on buses or trains in Seattle, Washington without placing a pillow between them face an automatic six-month jail term.

It is illegal to tickle women in Virginia (maybe it's those corsets?)and in Portland, Maine men cannot tickle women under the chin with feather dusters.

In Dyersburg, Tennessee a woman cannot call a man for a date.

It is against the law for men to "ogle" women from a moving car in Detroit, Michigan.

In New York City a fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. Men are specifically prohibited from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." Males who are convicted of this crime twice are subsequently forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" whenever they go outside.

KISSING

In Boston, Massachusetts, two people are not allowed to kiss in front of a church and in Hartford, Connecticut it's illegal for a husband to kiss his wife on Sundays.

In Cedar Rapids, Iowa it's a crime to kiss a stranger and in Wisconsin it is illegal to kiss anyone on a train.

In Logan County, Colorado, it is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.

In Indiana, it's illegal for a mustached man to "habitually kiss human beings." In two Eurekas, one in Illinois, the other in Nevada, men who wear moustaches are forbidden from kissing women; in the State of Iowa, where kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes, men who wear moustaches are forbidden from kissing women in public. They're a little stricter about the time limit in Halethorpe, Maryland, though, where it is illegal to kiss for more than one second, mustache or no.

In Florida, men may not kiss their wife's breasts.

MASTER...(well, you know!)

In Oxford, Ohio it is illegal for a women to disrobe in front of a man's picture.

In Arizona, having more than two dildos in a house is against the law; in Dallas, Texas, you can have as many as you want, although it is illegal to possess realistic dildos.

THE INANIMATE

New Mexico State officials ordered 400 words of "sexually explicit material'' to be cut from Romeo and Juliet.

In Clinton, Oklahoma it is illegal to molest an automobile; in Daytona Beach, Florida the molestation of trash cans is banned.

THE ANIMATE

In Clawson, Michigan it is legal (that's right, LEGAL) for a farmer to "sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats and chickens."

In Big Pine Key, Florida, those who molest a Key deer are subject to a fine and/or jail time; in all of Florida, having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.

The citizens of Crete, Illinois commit an offense if they attempt to have sex with their dog, but in West Virginia it's okay for a man to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs.

In Tennessee any person who cripples, kills or in any way destroys a proud bitch that is running at large shall not be held liable for the damages due to such killing or destruction.

Animals in California are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, a school or a place of worship. (Look out, San Francisco Zoo! (Press Back Arrow below for details.).)

And, of course, in Missouri it is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone.

GET A ROOM

In North Carolina, if a man and a woman who aren't married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married. Another state law mandates that all couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds spaced at least two feet apart, and making love in the space between the beds is strictly forbidden.

Oddly enough, in Hornytown, North Carolina massage parlors have been banned.

In New Hampshire checking into a hotel under an assumed name is a crime; in Salem, Massachusetts they don't care what name you use, but even married couples are forbidden from sleeping in the nude in rented rooms.

Massachusetts taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.

In Detroit, Michigan, making love in a car is illegal unless it is parked on your property.

Men over the age of 18 in Indiana may be arrested for statutory rape if a female passenger under the age of 17 is in his car and not wearing her socks and shoes.

Police Officers in Coeur d' Alene, Idaho who suspect the occupants of a vehicle are engaging in sex must either honk or flash their lights and wait three minutes before approaching the car.

No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance in Utah if it is responding to an emergency call and, in the town of Tremonton, Utah, if you are caught the guy is let go and the woman is punished and her name appears in the newspaper.

HOLY MATRIMONY

In South Carolina, by law, if a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, the marriage must take place.

Getting married on a dare in Delaware is grounds for annulment.

In North Carolina a marriage can be declared void if either of the two persons is physically impotent.

Any marriage in Rhode Island where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void.

A bridegroom in Truro, Mississippi must "prove himself manly" before the wedding by hunting and killing either six blackbirds or three crows.

In Pennsylvania ministers are forbidden from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk.

In Texas you can be legally married by publicly introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times.

In Lebanon, Virginia it is illegal to kick your wife out of bed.

In Utah, when a person reaches the age of 50, he or she can legally marry their cousin.

And, quite naturally, in Kentucky, it is illegal to remarry the same man four times.

FORNICATION

In Mississippi Adultery or Fornication (living together while not married or having sex with someone that is not your spouse) results in a fine of $500 and/or 6 months in prison.

The age of consent in Tennessee is 16, but 12 if the girl is a virgin.

In Oklahoma, where it is illegal to have sex before you are married, it's statutory rape for a man over 18 to have sex with a female under the age of 18 if she's a virgin. If she's not a virgin, it is okay to have sex with her, but only if she is over 16. If the two are both under 18, then the law does not apply.

In Auburn, Washington men who deflower virgins, regardless of age or marital status, may face up to five years in jail.

It is illegal in Virginia for those who are not married to have sexual relations. After marriage, couples are allowed to have sex, but only missionary style and only if the lights are not on.

In North Carolina it's illegal to have sex in a churchyard. If you're not in a churchyard, it's okay to have sex, but only if you stay in the missionary position and only if the shades are drawn.

The missionary position is also the only legal position for having sex in Florida.

A woman in Massachusetts is not permitted to be on top during sexual activities.

And try to remember not to whisper "dirty" things in your lover's ear during sex in Oregon; that kinda talk is illegal there.

ORAL FIXATIONS & "UNNATURAL" SEX

In Florida, Indiana, Minnesota and Missouri, oral sex is still illegal. In Maryland, South Carolina, Tennessee and San Diego, California oral sex cannot be either given or received. North Carolina law considers oral sex to be a crime against nature; in Arkansas it is considered sodomy (Click here for proof: Welcome to Arkansas). In Oklahoma oral sex is a misdemeanor, punishable by one year in jail and a $2,500 fine.

In Virginia, you may have neither oral nor anal sex; in Owensboro, Kentucky one may not receive anal sex; in Cincinnati, Ohio anal intercourse is banned.

Unnatural intercourse, if both parties voluntarily participate, results in a maximum sentence of 10 years and a $10,000 fine in Mississippi.

PUBLIC DISPLAYS

It is illegal for a man to scowl at his wife on Sunday in Detroit, Michigan.

Anyone arrested for soliciting a hooker in Oklahoma must have their name and picture shown on TV.

Males are not allowed to be sexually aroused in public in Indiana, Mississippi, Allentown, Pennsylvania, Nashville, Tennessee or Kenosha, Wisconsin.

DIVORCE

In New York City, a marriage cannot be dissolved for irreconcilable differences, unless both parties agree to it. That rarely happens, since one party regularly says "no" to the other, or there wouldn't be a reason to dissolve the marriage. If one of the spouses says "no" to the divorce, the other party has to prove that the spouse saying "no" committed one of four terrible faults. If one spouse abandoned the other, i.e., left the house for a year or if there hasn't been sexual relations for a year, that's a fault. Another oft-cited fault is to assert that one spouse has treated the other with physical or mental cruelty, but for the court's purposes, yelling and screaming is not usually enough, although pictures of bruises taken in an emergency room might do the trick. If a spouse has been imprisoned for two or three years divorce is easy. The last fault, adultery, is much more difficult to prove. Lawyers then, get paid to "prove" fault or, on the other side, to show how lame the opposing side's "fault" claim is.

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