KILLER CLASSIFIEDS

RopesEnd has scoured the four corners of the universe to bring you the best and brightest in killer classified ads! These are real ads, taken from real newspapers around the world.

2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.

3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered with golden fried onion rings.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

And now, the Superstore‹unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Christmas tag sale. Homemade gifts for the hard to find person.

Dinner special--Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

For Rent: 6-room hated house.

For Sale ‹ Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.

For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Lost: Small apricot poodle - Reward. Neutered, just like one of the family.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom

Modular Sofas. Only $299 For rest or fore play

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.

See ladies blouses. 50% off!

Semi-Annual after-Christmas sale.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Vacation Special: Have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted: Man to take care of cows that does not smoke or drink.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

Wanted: Chambermaid in rectory. Love in, 200 a month; References required.

Wanted: Mother's helper, peasant working conditions.

Wanted: Part-time marred girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

Wanted: Widower with school-age children requires a person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.