LAME LETTERS
TO THE MANCHESTER CITY COUNCIL

As a Public Service RopesEnd is proud to bring to your attention the following extracts from genuine letters from tenants sent to Manchester City Council (Repairs Division):

"I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage."

"This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door."

"The lavatory is blocked, this is caused by the boys next door throwing balls on the roof."

"The toilet is cracked, where do I stand?"

"I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall."

"I'm still having trouble with the smoke in my built-in drawers."

"I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."

"Our lavatory seat has broken in half and is now in three pieces."

"I want some repairs doing to my cooker, as it has backfired and burnt its knob off."

"The toilet is blocked and I can't bath the children until it is mended."

"The person next door has a large erection in his back garden which is unsightly and dangerous."

"Will you please send someone around to mend our broken path, yesterday my wife tripped and fell on it and now she is pregnant."

"Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone round to do something about it."

"Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink."