LAME LETTERS
WHAT NOT TO SAY ON A POLICE REPORT

As a Public Service RopesEnd is proud to bring to your attention these excerpts from actual written statements given to the police by actual real (dumb) people:

"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

"Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

"I thought my window was down, but I found out it wasn't open when I put my head through it."

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."

"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother in-law, and headed over the embankment. In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

"I had been driving for forty years when I fill asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble, when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

"As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appear before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident."

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front of me, I struck the pedestrian."

"My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."

"An invisible car came from out of nowhere, struck my car, and vanished."

"I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."

"The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run so I ran him over."

"I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray crows."

"I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."