LOST IN TRANSLATION IN EUROPE

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President John F. Kennedy said it best. When speaking at the Berlin Wall, he said, "I am a jelly doughnut" (Ich bin ein Berliner!) instead of "I am a citizen of Berlin!" ("Berliner" is German for "jelly doughnut.")

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In Germany's Black Forest there is a sign posted which reads:

"It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose."

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A sign in a German hospital says: "No Children Allowed In The Maternity Wards."

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Found in a German cafe was a sign that read:

"Mothers, please wash your hans before eating."

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Rolls Royce found out the hard way that in Germany "Silver Mist" means "human waste."

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Pepsi's slogan, "Come alive with the Pepsi generation" didn't only have trouble with translation in Taiwan. In Germany, they found out that their beloved catch-phrase meant "Come out of the grave with Pepsi."

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When Vicks first introduced its cough drops on the German market, they were chagrined to learn that the German pronunciation of "v" is "f," which in German is the gutteral equivalent of "sexual penetration."

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When Clairol introduced a curling iron, the "Mist Stick," into the German market, they didn't know that "mist" is slang for manure in Germany.

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Puffs tissue also tried to introduce its product in Germany, only to learn that "Puff" in German is a colloquial term for a whorehouse.

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A German manufacturer makes a vacuum cleaner on the European market called "Vampyr."

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In an elevator in Leipzig, Germany:

"Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up."

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There is a sign in a hotel in Austria which caters to ski bums that reads:

"Not to preambulate the corridors during the hours of repose in the boots of Ascension."

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In a Swiss mountain inn a sign read: "Special today - no ice cream."

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A sign in a Zurich hotel reads:

"Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose."

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Another Zurich hotel sign asks visitors:

"Do you wish to change in Zurich? Do so at the hotel bank!"

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On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."

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Bacardi, in an effort to suggest French chic, concocted a fruity drink and gave it the name "Pavian," which, unfortunately, turned out to mean "baboon" in German.

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Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno mag.

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A Paris dress shop advertises that they sell "Dresses for street walking."

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A sign in a Paris hotel elevator cautions patrons to "Please leave your values at the front desk."

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A sign in French hotel instructs guests that:

"In the event of fire the visitor, avoiding panic, is to walk down the corridor to warn the chambermaid."

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It wasn't until after American manufacturers of Pet condensed milk had introduced their product into French markets that they realized that "pet" in French means "to break wind."

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The word "Gerber" (the baby food company) means "to puke" in French.

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Outside a French cafe a sign was spotted that read:

"Persons are requested not to occupy seats in this cafe without consuming."

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This actually happened in French Canada and not Europe, but the language used was French. Hunt-Wesson introduced its Big John products in French Canada as Gros Jos before finding out that the phrase, in slang, means "big breasts." Apparently, however, it was reported that the name problem did not have a noticeable effect on sales.

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In Italy, a campaign for "Schweppes Tonic Water" translated the name into "Schweppes Toilet Water."

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A sign in a Roman doctor's office proudly proclaims that the physician there is a "Specialist in women and other diseases."

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A sign in a Rome laundry politely suggests:

"Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."

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In a Vienna hotel, a sign recommends that:

"In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter."

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There's a sign in Italian hotel that warns:

"Do not adjust yor light hanger. If you wish more light see manager."

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In Athens, Greece, a sign in a hotel says:

"Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11am daily."

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The sign at the concierge's desk in another Athen's hotel reads:

"If You Consider Our Help Impolite, You Should See The Manager."

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In a Rhodes, Greece tailor shop a sign reads:

"Order your summers suit. Because is big rush, we will execute customers in strict rotation."

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Reebok faced a serious culture clash in Greece when it named a shoe after a character from Greek mythology. It turns out that Incubus - the name of Reebok's new shoe - was an ancient demon best known for raping women while they slept.

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An ad campaign was launched in predominantly continental-breakfast eating England to boost orange juice sales. The idea was to extoll that drink's eye-opening, pick-me-up qualities. Their slogan:

"Orange juice. It gets your pecker up."

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On the bottom of boxes of a chilled creamy dessert sold in Britain: "Do not turn upside down."

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The warning label on packages of a certain type of bread pudding in Britain warns:

"Take care - product will be hot after heating."

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The warning label on an iron sold in Britain cautions: "Do not iron clothes on body."

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In Czechoslavakia, a tourist agency ad reads:

"Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages."

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A sign in a hotel lobby in Bucharest, Romania, expresses their deep concern for the comfort of their guests:

"The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret you will be unbearable."

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In Budapest, Hungary they don't want patrons to feed the animals at the zoo. Their sign reads:

"Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."

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A Polish hotel menu offers:

"Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion."

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At a hotel in Yugoslavia, "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid."

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